Christ Fellowship of Kansas City

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Sharing Burdens or a Complaining Spirit: How to Know When You’ve Crossed the Line

Author: Suzanne Holland
Entered on: 5/26/2010 8:02:41 AM

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Have you recently been burdened with a seemingly inordinate number of trials? In a gathering of believers, do you find yourself asking for prayer more than you are sharing praises? Life is hard, and it is good for us to pray for one another. But sometimes our burden-sharing can become complaining. The Bible commands us to pray for one another, to bear one another’s burdens; to uphold the weak and to strengthen the fainthearted (1 Thess. 5:14). But sometimes a believer can unintentionally cross the line from sharing burdens to complaining and discouraging others. We are instructed to live in a certain way in the body of Christ, and we must obey biblical commands in all things regarding fellowship, including prayer.

How can you know if your prayer requests have become complaints in the ears of those brothers and sisters with whom you are sharing them? Philippians 3 and 4 have much to say in this area. Study this passage with me, and you will see three keys to knowing where you stand on the line.

First, we must check our motives in requesting the prayer of others. Beginning in verse 17 of chapter 3, Paul invites us to follow his example. Though he is speaking here of unbelievers, we would do well to heed his warning not to “set our minds on earthly things”, but to remember that “our citizenship is in heaven”, and though now we may be suffering in our bodies, we will one day be transformed, and will have perfect bodies that are conformed to that of Christ. There will be no prayer circles in heaven, nor temptation to complain when your turn comes! Remember, your body, finances, marriage, children, and anything else you might request prayer for are earthly things. We must refuse to dwell inordinately on these things, and instead think on Christ and our glorious future with Him. The key to success in this follows in verse 21, where Paul reminds us that “He is able even to subdue all things to Himself”. If you believe this, embrace it and ask yourself, why are you sharing this particular problem? In your private prayer time, ask the Lord to show you your motive in making this request. Are you genuinely seeking intercessory prayer for your problem, trusting that the Lord will be glorified through it, or does the attention and sympathy you receive give you earthly comfort? If you are really seeking sympathy and pity, the Lord will reveal this to you and help you stop. Remember, our comfort and rest are not here on earth, no matter how much sympathy or how many hugs we receive. Our comfort is in our salvation; our hope for becoming more Christ-like through the trial; and the hope of eternity with Christ.

The second is to examine your everyday conversations with other believers. If most of them center on your problems, you may have developed a self-centered habit of complaining, thinly veiled in prayer requests. Verse 6 of chapter 4 addresses this problem. Often, when we present complaints as prayer requests, our fellow Christians sense anxiety and fear in our words. When we ask in anxiety, our loving church family will naturally try to come up with earthly solutions, and at that point they have become a complaint department instead of a prayer circle. But Paul instructs us to be anxious for nothing. Feelings of anxiety are incompatible with prayer requests! When we ask for prayer, we must ask with confidence (See Heb 4:16) that God knows our need and will work for our good and His glory. At your next opportunity, pay attention to how much time is spent on your prayer requests compared to those of others. If much time is devoted to seeking solutions to your problem, you are probably over the line from prayer to complaint.

Finally, Paul offers us one more test of our motives in asking for prayer. Verses 7 and 9 offer an important gauge if we will use them effectively. Paul tells us that when we are anxious for nothing, the peace of God will guard our hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Next, he tells us that when we are thinking on the good things he lists in verse 8, the God of peace will be with us. The question you must answer now is this: Is the peace of God guarding our heart and mind because you are daily saturating your soul with the Word of God and trusting in the truth you find there? Do you experience the presence of this God of peace with you everywhere you go, including the earthly places where this trial presents itself? Or, are you anxious and fearful most of the time, depressed by your burdens and discouraged by the world? If you are unsure of the answer to this question, seek out a believer who knows you well and ask their opinion. A true believer will have your best interest in mind, and will tell you the truth of their observations in this area.

So, now that you have evaluated yourself, what do you do about it? If you find from this brief survey your prayer requests are genuine, godly supplications, then continue. However, if you have become convicted of a complaining spirit through this self-interview, here are a few ideas to get you on your way back to the other side:

1. Pray, and ask the Lord to show you one friend with whom you will share the details of your burdens. This friend will listen, pray diligently for you, and hold you accountable if they sense a complaining spirit. Your answer to others who have gotten in the habit of asking you about your persistent problems will be, “Thank you for asking. I am learning to trust God in that, and He is working on it. How have YOU been?” Then, LISTEN to their struggles or joys, and make a note in your mind to pray for them later. Call them after a few days or send a note to let them know you are thinking of them and praying for them. Prayer and concern for others go a long way toward getting us outside of ourselves and our own problems.

2. Meditate on the goodness of God and thank Him for His many blessings. Keep a “grateful list” beside your bed. Every night, right down 10 things for which you are grateful. In the morning, read over that list before you put your feet on the floor, and ask God to cultivate a grateful heart in you. Repeat this process every day, with 10 new things. Remember, there is not a day that goes by that God has not blessed you, no matter what has taken place. Your every breath; your vision to read this sentence; your thinking mind are all gifts from God for which you must be grateful. Above all, even when nothing else is going right, as a believer you have the assurance that God will never leave you or forsake you (Heb.13:5). That alone will bring contentment when you truly embrace it.

3. Finally, remember that God knows your heart better than even you do. In fact, He knows your need before you even ask! (Matthew 6:8) No matter how many or few people you share your burden with, He has already determined the outcome, and you can trust Him. God’s answers to prayer do not always bring us great earthly comfort, but that is not an excuse to complain about our circumstances. How much better it is to present our requests with thanksgiving, bringing glory to the God of peace and receiving that peace of God that surpasses understanding!